An early interest in the opposite sex runs in my family. Ben Patrick was my first boyfriend at pre-school (sadly unrequited). At primary school, Robert Lester always targeted me in kiss chase - and sometimes I ran slowly. Graham was my first “proper” boyfriend when I was 12. And so it went until I finally settled down with my current husband (as I affectionately introduce him). I have been waiting for my children to show similar signs of early love but wonder how this would pan out at The Gate.
It’s all very well the children having a crush on someone at school but what if the attention was unwelcome by their parents? I am thinking “sweet”, they may be thinking “extremely inappropriate”.
And which parents would make good in-laws? Those with villas in Thailand? Too obvious? Besides, I would have to start rubbing shoulders with Jet Set Mum and how am I going to get on her radar without a glamorous second home to entice her? Working mothers can be a fabulous influence, but as much as I admire them some exert the same professional control on their children as they use at the office. Come the wedding day and I’d be cast aside by the BlackBerry-wielding mother.
And I’m not sure how patient I would be with the inevitable name-dropping that would come with marrying into a well-connected family. You know the type I mean. They never miss any opportunity to let you know who they know. It goes like this:
Me: “Did little Johnny find the maths homework difficult?”
Name-Dropper: “No. But Johnny is having extra maths tuition with the So-and-So of Somewhere’s son. Have you met Rupert and Summer?
And off goes the conversation into a different realm. Literally.
No. I want discreet, financially secure, generous, witty, potential humorous in-laws with a vast wine cellar. Any interest parties please drop me a Valentine.